Last month, they celebrated their most recent victory when they were allowed for the first time to register to vote identifying themselves as a third sex — transgender. In the past, state-issued identification cards listed individuals only as male or female.

I have written about when I first started this blog. But with all the political issues occurring in Pakistan right now, it’s nice to receive some good news. But there’s still a lot of work to be done.

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One the main misconceptions about Plan B or the “morning after pill” as it’s mistakenly called, is that it’s an abortion pill. Watching commercials for it the narrator has to make it clear that it’s not the abortion pill. Then there have been situations here where pharmacists refused to dispense birth control. Refusing the fill prescriptions and dispensing emergency contraception falls within the conscience clause. Though in my opinion if you have issues with dispensing certain types of medication, then you have no business being a pharmacist. There are hospitals (mostly faith-based) who also refuse to give out emergency contraception. At any rate, I still believe it all comes down to having issues with people’s sexual habits. While I understand that some people are against birth control, that’s totally fine, what I do have a problem with is when people try to push their views on my personal life.

So to recap, for those of you who aren’t aware. Here’s the difference between emergency contraception and the abortion pill.

Emergency contraception aka “morning after pill”
Emergency Contraception

Key Facts:
Can be taken up to 5 days.
Most effective when taken within 72 hours. So the sooner you take it, the more effective it is.
EC is essentially a higher dosage of birth control.

RU-486 aka abortion pill
RU-486

Key Facts:
Sometimes referred to as a non-surgical abortion.
Not over the counter, must be given at clinics or doctor’s office.

So there you have it.

It’s very interesting in this day and age to see that single mothers are still blamed for the ills of society. Growing up, I had to watch my mother deal with the stigma of being a single mother and was forced to watch her work long hours and rely on government assistance to support us. My mother made the decision to carry my siblings and I to term, knowing she was going to raise us all on her own. To be honest though, had my mother chosen to terminate her pregnancies, she would been able to finish up her college education and pursue other opportunities. She wouldn’t have had to deal with the stigma of being a a single parent.

From the pro life side, I noticed there’s a form of idealization of motherhood. Despite believing that women who get pregnant should accept the “consequence” of having sex. If motherhood is such a high calling, then why treat it as a punishment? I also noticed that many people who identify as pro life tend to be social conservatives. So the majority of the “single mothers ruin society” comes from that side. Of course many pro lifers will tout the solution of simply putting the child up for adoption, well that is a choice, and it’s good for choice some, however as someone who works in social services, I can honestly say there are more children languishing in the adoption system then there are parents who are willing to adopt them. Not to mention the many flaws of the system.

This isn’t to say that abortion is the answer, but this is more of a criticism of the pro life side, who constantly push for adoption but don’t seem to be trying to address the issue of the broken adoption/foster system. In the meantime, they’ll praise a woman for choosing to give birth, but if she chooses to raise the child on her own and use government assistance, most likely she will be criticized by the very people who convinced her to carry her child to term.

Why I’m pro choice?

I’m not only grateful that I have access to abortion services (though states are seriously trying to curb that right) but to birth control, because I enjoy my right to control my reproductive system and decide when I want to have children or not. Twice in my life I had to use emergency contraception, even with the unnecessary confusion surrounding how it works and the rise of judgmental pharmacists, I haven’t had any issues with getting it. Though there are politicians trying to fight that access birth control. People often wonder why pro choicers say it’s about control, because it is. Our access to birth control and abortion isn’t 60 years old. Roe v. Wade was legalized in 1973, and birth control wasn’t fully available until the mid 1960′s. Before that single women could obtain birth control and married women had to get permission from their husbands.

Not to mention the forced sterilization that women of color had to endure. Essentially, it tells us that we’re not allowed to reproduce, we’re not allowed to control our own bodies, we don’t deserve to be mothers, unless we fit into . As a woman of color, I feel it makes sense for me to be pro choice, because it signifies me having control over my own reproduction. I’m working towards making sure all women have access to contraception and abortion services, our reproductive freedom is hanging by a thread.

Once upon a time in the United States of America. There was a time when women found fulfillment in being homemakers and men knew what their roles were. Be a provider and a protector. Men were men and women were women. Everyone was happy. Then one day, an evil woman named Betty Friedan wrote an evil horrible book called The Feminine Mystique. She had the nerve to say that women weren’t happy being housewives, she said that women needed something more than just being a wife and mother. This book was the catalyst of what we know as Second Wave Feminism. These women put horrible thoughts in women’s minds and made them become lesbians and hate their children. They also made women work outside the home, they said that women should become men. These horrible feminists were also the cause of breaking up families and the high divorce rate. Not only that, they put thoughts in women’s minds about their sexuality, they made women think they have sexual desires and that they should act on them! Feminism also made women hate men! But that’s not the worst of it, these evil harpy feminists made abortion legal!!!

Women are now earning the most college degrees across all racial groups, they have entered the work force at record numbers. Many women are even delaying marriage and childbirth or not doing either at all. Many women have chosen to live fulfilling lives without men. Some women are choosing to have families without men, they can just go down to the clinic and get artificially inseminated and raise the child as a single parent. These days for men however, they’re choosing not to grow up. They just want to play video games all day and not try to pursue having a career, getting married and starting a family. Not only that, men are being feminized, the metro sexual cares about his appearance and enjoys getting manicures. The days of manhood are over, society has shown that men are no longer needed. Feminism has won.

2012 is going to be an interesting year, since the taking on the feminist label, it’s been quite nice to see women in the United States as well as other countries realize they can find fulfillment outside being a wife and mother. Though I also see nothing wrong with women wanting to be wives and mothers, because even in these changing times, many women still have found fulfillment in traditional roles. Some women even find fulfillment in having careers and beings wives and mothers. So what’s my point for writing this post?

Well for one thing, there’s a great deal of anxiety surrounding the changing gender roles. In the past couple of years there have been several “end of men” articles springing up and people are in a panic. There’s also been a great deal of backlash happening as well. You don’t have to be social scientist to know that change can be frightening for a lot of people. But the crux of the matter is how one deals with that change. The purpose of that little story I wrote above was to demonstrate the narrative surrounding the changing gender roles. Essentially, everything was all well good before Second Wave Feminism, nowadays women succeeding and men are failing, thus feminism has won, because we now live in a matriarchal world. If you’ve been paying attention you can probably see everything that’s wrong with this narrative. First, it’s entirely incorrect. The assumption that women never worked outside the home until Second Wave Feminism is false, yet the belief still persist. Even during the 1950′s, America’s so-called “golden era.” Women were in the work force during that time, but they were viewed with suspicion. What’s ignored that many African-American and low-income women were forced to work. They did not have the option of being full-time homemakers.

Many also seem to forget history prior to the 1950′s that women were working during the and much of history with different cultures. The problem with many of these “end of men” articles is while they tote statistics of how women are out earning men in the area of college education, there’s no exploration as to why many women feel they have to pursue college. It’s more than just the fact that women now have the opportunity to pursue higher education. It’s not about trying to be “better” than men. Especially in this depression era economy, it’s becoming more and more difficult to secure a job for both men and women.

The “End of Men” narrative

One aspect about the “end of men” narrative is that it essentially plays on the assumption that women are “taking over.” Despite the fact that women still represent a minority in areas such as politics, the corporate world, media, etc. There’s been exploration as to why men are suddenly “falling behind,” feminism oftentimes is cited as the main culprit. An example would be how public schools are geared to be more in favor of girls. In the article published in The Atlantic title The End of Men by Hanna Rosin, she points out the reason why men are falling behind is failure to adapt.

Why are men finished, exactly? Rosin says they’ve failed to adapt to a modern, postindustrial economy that demands a more traditionally—and stereotypically—feminine skill set (read: communication skills, social intelligence, empathy, consensus-building, and flexibility).

If this is the case, men can learn these skills, can they not?

There’s no denying the impact of feminism has left a lot of men feeling lost, thus creating a lot of hostility and hatred towards feminism. These days, both men and women are still trying to navigate the changing gender roles. What I see about these narratives is there’s isn’t any solutions on how to fix this “crisis of masculinity” but only blame. There’s been a shift, no doubt about that about that. But how are we dealing with this shift? In some ways our society is dealing with just fine, in other ways however, there’s still this desire to hold onto traditional gender roles. It’s time society recognizes these roles are changing instead of trying to hold onto them.

So are women taking over?

Sure for the moment it may seem that women are taking over, but it’s far from being the case. As Rosin points out:

And the fact that about one-fifth of American men are not working—we’re almost at Great Depression levels—that’s really terrible. And it doesn’t seem to be getting any better. So, no, this isn’t like, “yay, we won! yay, we triumphed!” It’s actually really bad.

So there you have it.

Young Japanese decline to “fall in love.”

The young man in the video indicated that pursuing a relationship takes too much effort to get a girl to like him, and that means he would have to give up his weekends for her, etc. Granted I understand where’s he coming from on the issue of putting effort into relationships, they do take a lot of work. What I feel is probably missing is the fact that there’s no issue as to whether young people in Japan are learning how they can navigate through them.

One does not have to give up their entire self in a relationship. I mean, who says that you have to give up all your weekends just for your girlfriend/boyfriend? You don’t, that’s where the navigation comes into play. On some weekends he can go out with his friends or by himself and on other weekends he can spend time with his girlfriend. So I find that reason a little absurd.

Another factor is also the changing gender roles, one of the women in the video indicated that it’s sad that she’s viewed as strong simply because she chooses to live her life the way she wants. Perhaps that’s intimidating for a lot of men, especially in a culture that’s male dominated. Perhaps Japanese society hasn’t gotten to the point where they’ve learned how to navigate those changing roles.

What do you think?

She goes writes:

What is an Unconventional Marriage?
Say the word “marriage” and most people envision a man and a woman joined together in a religious ceremony who are living together monogamously in one house and raising children together. That traditional situation can certainly work for some people, but definitely not for everyone.

Well that’s interesting, these days this is what we’ve come define traditional marriage. However, if you really want to get down to the actual definition of traditional marriage, especially in the Christian sense, it’s quite different from the definition we have now.

‘ve seen many variations of marriage. It’s clear that in developing or poor countries, the traditional marriage situation does work for most people. In these countries, the couple is a bonded survival unit. Whether they love each other is irrelevant. They need each other and their children to survive.

There is some truth to this, after all the purpose of marriage in most cultures and societies were merely a business contract or throughout history, it was a way for royal families to create alliances. Marrying out of love and compatibility is a very recent concept, even within Western society.

Haisha goes on to discuss her marriage.

For example, my television producer husband and I live four blocks away from each other. We’re independent yet we love each other and have a happy and successful marriage in a city (Hollywood) where the divorce rate is high. Even though we’re highly compatible on many levels, we have different lifestyle preferences. I’m a neat freak; he’s a collector who doesn’t mind clutter. I’m a social person who enjoys frequent entertaining; he prefers to have quiet one-on-one time with someone. While these differences may seem trivial, often it’s the little things in a relationship — the small annoyances — that drive people apart. Having an unconventional marriage can help eliminate some of the common relationship killers.

I don’t know if having an unconventional marriage can really help eliminate relationship killers, but I do see how it could decrease those small annoyances. Also, Haisha and her husband can afford to live in separate homes, not many people can do that.

Overall, while I don’t believe marriage is becoming obsolete it is beginning to lose it’s appeal. This shouldn’t come to a surprise to anyone, while there are those who bemoan the decline of marriage as people being selfish and lazy, it’s seems this criticism overlooks the United State’s high divorce race. It makes me wonder why we as culture are still very reluctant to legalize gay marriage or at least look at news of being married.

What’s also interesting as I took a look a the comment section and many reacted quite negatively to Haisha’s marriage. Usually along the lines of “people who do that are selfish” or “why bother getting married?” Honestly, I find these views rather short sighted, it’s because these are purely emotional reactions. People get married for a variety of reasons, one being social pressure. Secondly, yes you could say, “if you’re going to live like that, then why bother getting married?” Well as we can see from these panic articles about how marriage is becoming obsolete, people are choosing not be married, and that’s scaring people as well. In sum, it doesn’t really matter what people choose, if it violates social norms, it’s viewed negatively.

What’s going to happen to marriage?

In the Western world specifically, people aren’t getting married as often as they use to. As stated, many couples are choosing cohabitation or remain single. There are a variety of factors as to why this is happening. However, with unconventional marriages, people are choosing to live separately or at least have separate bedrooms. Then there’s also the issue of gay marriage. At this point it’s difficult to say what’s going to happen with the institution of marriage. But I predict that if we as a society try to hold onto these outdated notions of marriage, I feel that will only push people further away from the institution. However, if gay marriage is legalize, that could increase the marriage rate to a small degree.

The high divorce rate we now see proves that the traditional marriage model doesn’t work like it used to; it’s outdated. And just because something has always been a certain way doesn’t mean it’s right for everyone. Marriage is no exception. We as a society have to get over what we think marriage should look like. Sometimes the best marriage arrangement for a couple is an unconventional one.

I don’t necessarily agree that traditional marriage doesn’t work, it works for some, but not for others. I agree with the rest of what Haisha is saying. At this point in time, I feel our society will have to make a decision. Marriage either has to adapt to the changing times and lifestyles or become obsolete.

Further reading:

The latest marriage statistics: Implications.

Flight from Marriage
This article focuses on marriage trends in parts of Asia.

Marriage Trends in Europe

The average age to marry for the first time.
Very interesting.

Marriage rates in United States continue to decline.

I’m hoping that Muslims in America will finally be accepted instead of being feared. With this story, however my hopes will probably be short lived.

I’m hoping that we put end to these so-called “end of men” narratives and explore ways to navigate the changing gender roles.

I’m hoping that protests such as Occupy Wall Street encourages other

I hope that gays/lesbians/bisexuals/transgender individuals will be recognized.

I hope developing countries don’t fall victim to an economic crises.

I hope women in Saudi Arabia will finally earn their right to drive and other rights.

I hope the media learns to stop focusing on Muslim women’s choices to wear the hijab or niqab.

I’m hoping that I can get into Bollywood movies more. I really mean that.

I hope the West learns from its financial and economical mistakes.

I hope we finally recognize that college education shouldn’t only be about getting a job.

I’m hoping that more awareness will be raised about maternal mortality.

I hope that people finally learn not to base their opinions on stereotypes.

I hope that I finally learn how to make samosas.

What are your hopes for 2012?

I have new commitments these days and my schedule is becoming a little hectic, not to mention the fact that I haven’t had much to write about. But now I do.

In the few years of identifying as a feminist (now global feminist) I’ve been reading some fascinating discussions happening within the feminist blogesphere. If you spend enough time within it, you’ll see that feminists hold many different views about women’s issues and how we can achieve equality. In the end, one view that feminists share in common is the belief that women are oppressed and are second class citizens.

The thing about that is there are also different views about what’s oppressive to women. That’s where all the diversity and division comes into play.

For example wearing make up and dressing in a feminine manner is an on going debate for many feminists. Some feminists discuss how wearing make up is part of living in a patriarchal society. A society that expects women to make themselves attractive for men. Thus, that’s where the stereotype of feminists being “unfeminine” comes from. This is also why many have rejected wearing make up. there are however, feminist arguments in favor of wearing make up and dressing in a feminine manner. Most of it is usually along the lines that it’s the woman’s choice and if she’s wearing it for herself then there’s nothing wrong with it. Also the other argument is women should embrace their feminine sides, because we live in a culture where anything considered feminine is viewed as inferior. Contrary to popular belief, feminism and femininity aren’t mutually exclusive.

Which brings me to my point for writing this post.

What about those women who don’t fit beauty standards? Feminist Theory recognizes that women who don’t fit are often treated with disdain. However, for some women, it’s more much complicated. African American women for example are viewed as being more masculine. A way for us to counter the stereotype is by embracing more feminine qualities. Though I have to question, who’s standards of femininity are we adopting? Is it our own defined femininity or someone else’s?

This is also true for the case of WOC being stay home mothers, for many WOC and low income women, being a stay at home mother and being provided for is viewed as a luxury. This view makes a lot of sense considering historically marginalized women had to work. For many white feminists however, this hasn’t been their experience.

Another example would be with Muslim women and their choice to wear the hijab. A lot of Western feminists believe it’s a form of oppression, but for many Muslim women, it’s a matter of choice and way for them to follow their religion. The hijab is also viewed as a form of empowerment Then there’s the issue of women entering into sex work, but that’s another topic for another time.

It’s a tough road ahead in eliminating oppression for all marginalized groups, there are no easy answers many self identified feminists are trying to work through the whole “the personal is political” issue. What’s oppressive to one woman, may not be oppressive to another.

Once again, I’m speaking from a Western perspective, though I’m hoping to hear from those of you who live outside the West about the changing sexual mores in your culture, if there are any.

The ‘hook up’ culture seems to be scaring a of people. The panic is more about the fact that to an outsider, it seems to have replaced “traditional” courtship and dating. All one has to do is a simple Google search and see many of the searches read “Is the hook up culture good for girls?” “Hook up culture are taking over college campuses!” These are just a couple of examples, but what exactly is the ‘hook up’ culture? My issue with this entire conversation surrounding it is no one has really taken the time out to define what it is. From what I’ve learned ‘hooking up’ can range from meeting with a friend to make out to engaging in sexual intercourse. It’s a very broad term. If you spent enough time reading articles dealing this with hooking up you would swear college students everywhere are just engaging in all kinds of drunken promiscuous sex. But in reality this isn’t the case for many college students.

Perhaps it’s the university I attended, most people were either in a relationship, married or about to get married. The ‘hook up’ culture was basically unheard of. Perhaps it varies from campus to campus, but to make it sound like this phenomenon has taking over dating and relationships is a ridiculous assertion and is nothing short of alarmist.

Don’t get me wrong, I understand the criticism of hooking up. For some it can be emotionally damaging, but I feel it’s mostly on the part of the person who chose to engage in it. Especially if that person was looking for a long term relationship and was looking for it through hooking up. They discover it wasn’t a wise choice and they’re hurt. Yes that’s damaging, but quite honestly they have no one but themselves to blame. I guess I have a problem with those who condemn this culture all because of a mistake they made. However I won’t ignore the physical consequences of sex.

But just because one person was hurt by ‘hooking up’ doesn’t mean others will be. As far as the hook up culture appearing in high schools and middle schools, this is something that worries me. Due to the fact that most teens aren’t able to make informed decisions concerning sex and not only that, sex education is totally lacking in many public schools.

Then of course there’s the gender aspect (hey this is kind of a feminist blog). Once again, the reaction is interesting, there’s more emphasis on how it’s hurts women. There’s confusion about why women would want to participate in this culture. The assumption is these women suffer from low self esteem and are seeking validation through engaging in sex. Again, I won’t deny there are women who do this, but I think it’s ridiculous assume that every woman who ‘hooks up’ is. You’ll notice these conversations hardly ever point out that women may actually like engaging in casual sex. But we can’t point that out, because that would be admitting that women are actually capable of separating sex from love.

Casual sexual has in some ways, become a norm for some people. Though this could be chalked up the so-called Sexual Revolution that happened in America during the 1960′s. The reason why I say so-called is because all the Sexual Revolution did was bring sex out in the open.

Which is why I don’t understand the panic, it’s not like casual sex is something new.

So is it possible to have sex without any emotional attachment? Yes. I know critics will chalk this up to be people being “animalistc”. Whatever the case may be, I don’t think this is something that should cause for alarm, unless many people who are ‘hooking up’ and aren’t taking the necessary precautions to protect themselves. The world hasn’t gone mad, it’s just changing.

So what are your thoughts on casual sex? What are the sexual mores in your culture and are they changing? For those of you who feel casual sex is harmful, can you explain why and how?

Some links and sources for your viewing pleasure:
Unhooked: How Young Women Pursue Sex, Delay Love and Lose at Both
Casual Sex-and no emotional wreckage